It’s been so many years, I can not get over those bad memory. Funny thing is that I tried so many way to forgive what you’d done to me, but it always ends up with the question of “why should I forgive a man never ask for a forgive?”

It’s a sleepless night for me again. Searching your name on line, and got some interesting feedback. I guess you are working for a sport centre now.

Looking at your photo on line, you were smiling in a happy way. I guess you must be very happy to live without me.

I think you must enjoy your job. This job seems to provide you much fun. What could I say? If you are happy now, it is not point to say anything.

Nothing? Initially I thought so. Because you did not give me any financial support. Because you were so mean to give me what I wanted. All I wanted was to be with someone I love. Did I ask too much? No. You were so mean to give.

Everything? Yes, I think so now. You are such a loser. You lost your love, you lost the woman who love you more than she loves herself. You lost everything.

It’s frustrated.

I dreamt of you the other days. I was not happpy in the dream but you did not care of my feelings at all.

It’s frustrated.

I don’t feel satisfied for so many thing in my life. Lonely is one thing. Realisation is main thing. I realise that I was living in an imaginative world.

Imaging that you loved me.

Imaging that you wanted to be with me always.

Imaging that there was a sound and close relationship between us.

Imaging that we would grow old together.

Ironically you broke my heart because of your own space.

That was in 2004, they went to HT, just few weeks before he went to C. It’s sunny like this day. Hard to believe it has been 4 years since the last time that he spent time for her birthday. He might forget how wonderful that day was. But she did not forget at all.

Her memory went wild. She recalled a lot of things. He might not remember he said to her once they took a wee walk in RS on one Christmas day. She told him that she would not have enough money to stay somewhere with highly living costs. She might have to choose somewhere cheap such as China. But he said that he wanted her with him always and hoped they could immigrant to CA, where was much cheaper than UK. She believed they would be together always as they loved each other.
Yes, he gave her a dream to live in CA happy after. She believed so. But in fact, he did not want her to come with him in 2004. How could she complaint this? He had right to drop the dream he gave to. She told herself.

The headache and sort throat was getting worse, did not stay long and said bye-bye to this beauty.

Back to Taipei, she had a rest. No birthday cake, no compulsory drink. Dizzy and sleepy for the rest of weekend. Could it be called “a happy birthday”? I don’t know.

“Was it the only birthday card she got this year?” when she clicked on this message, she wondered. It’s “his space”, eh? Yes, it is.

I feel sad for your dearest Jill. So many year, she tried to keep their relationship by all mean not over his space. That little poor lady did not get a shit in return. He values his own space more than anything else always. He never gave her any chances to get closer to his world, his space or his territory. He treated her like a dog. He played with her when he was happy. He always shot the door on her face as he needs his own space. What cost did he pay for “his space”? I don’t know, but I think he is happy with his own space. It is worth a great fortune for him.

And as of her, she lost all of the courage to love. Her love is bankrupt. She used to be proud that she was rich in love although she did not have much money. Now, she is so poor in love while she has more money. Time does not heal at all. She still suffers. I know always.

Bad cough still, hardly sleep. Writing higgledy-piggledy. Send or discard? Send, so what, he will not understanding how hurt she feels.